Archive: May2007

Grim Irony

Posted on May 31, 2007 by Donna Lethal

Categories: dumbass, flaming douchebag

Oh, if only it were funny …

An Altadena man and an entertainment company face obscenity charges for allegedly distributing pornography through an interactive computer service and the mail, Justice Department officials announced today.

Paul F. Little, also known as Max Hardcore, 50, of Altadena, Calif., and MaxWorld Entertainment Inc., were charged with five counts of transporting obscene matter by use of an interactive computer service and five counts of mailing obscene matter, the federal agency said.

According to the Justice Department, Little is a director, producer and star of films that feature “severe violence towards the female performers participating in the acts.”

And the idiot who spread TB over half of the western hemisphere is not only a personal-injury lawyer, but has a relative who studies TB at the CDC:

The patient, Atlanta personal injury attorney Andrew Speaker, arrived at a Denver hospital today for treatment of the drug-resistant form of TB. Meanwhile, his father-in-law, microbiologist Robert C. Cooksey of the CDC–which unsuccessfully tried to stop Speaker from traveling–said Speaker did not contract the disease from his lab. Cooksey also said he was not involved in Speaker’s travel plans.

–Um, wasn’t Speaker traveling on his honeymoon? After marrying Cooksey’s daughter?

Mr Max-Little and Mr Cough-Cough should be quarantined together for the safety of the world.

Hey - Dr Kevorkian gets out tomorrow … maybe we can call in a few ‘favors.’

I know where I’m going

Posted on by Donna Lethal

Categories: what the fuck?

on my next vacation:

MADRID (Reuters) - Council meetings in Reus could take a turn for the bizarre after the northern Spanish town voted in a councillor who promised to turn up dressed as Elvis Presley and wants to turn the square into a nudist pool.

Ariel Santamaria, a former postman, stood for a small independent party dressed in full Elvis regalia complete with sideburns and won enough votes last weekend to take a council seat. It remains to be seen how other parties will take his proposals for Reus, a town of 100,000 people near Barcelona.

His platform included plans to paint the town hall pink, plant marijuana in the parks and give the town police global positioning systems to find people who might need a light while rolling a joint.

“People who read this also read ?
Report: Impostor Also Fooled ROTC
Wal-Mart Cashier: I Was Fired for Joking
Couple Sue Wal-Mart Over Slip in Vomit”

Sadly, the cashier who was fired for joking did not put the vomit on the floor, as I had hoped.

Big Lou’s home tips

Posted on by Donna Lethal

Categories: Beauty Parlor

I’d be lost w/out her … I’m useless around the house!

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Awesome.

Posted on by doughyp

Categories: wingnut madness

Hitch:

Did your upbringing turn you into an atheist?
No, I’m lucky that way. Some people do react very badly to being abused as children, or bullied or terrified by stories of Hell. Not me. What terrified me weren’t the Hell stories, but how hellish Heaven sounded.

Why did Heaven sound like Hell?
Eternal penance. You can never stop?like North Korea. In North Korea, they have compulsory worship from dawn until dusk. That’s all there is, everything is praise. So now I know what it would be like. I know it must be the most proximate place we have on Earth to being in Hell. But at least you can die and get out of North Korea. Kim Jong-Il does not promise you he’ll follow you into the grave. But you can’t die and get away from fucking Jesus.

Another thing about this — haven’t people been shot for less? Does Hitchens have a death wish?

DL: “Some people do react very badly to being abused as children” - unlike me, who took it in stride!

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stress, gmail, and Jayne Mansfield

Posted on May 30, 2007 by Donna Lethal

Categories: What the fuck is spam?

– and i’m not talking about spam recipes. I like the randomness of the headlined-links that show up when I check my email. For instance, i just got this one:

About Today - How to Relax in a Hurry

Except, I want to make my own revisions:

About Today - How to Relax in a Hurry: Take Pills!

Shame on Fodor’s for this example of apostrophe abuse:

Also See:
Great Railroad Journey’s of the World

in an email conversation with my friend Eve, in which we are discussing my Don Rickles comic book, these are the ads along the side:

Prepare to be Shocked
You may be younger than you think. Take the RealAge test and find out.
www.RealAge.com
How can I be younger than I think? Am I secretly illegitimate?

Superman Tees 2 for $30
The Leading Source for Superman Clothing. Only at Stylin Online !
www.stylinonline.com
Yet another example of apostrophe abuse - by omission.

Chronological Age: 43
RealAge: 33
What’s Your RealAge? Free Test!
LowerMyAge.com
Yet another one! And I’m not 43.

The Superman one makes sense, but I’m guessing that gmail’s “smart search” figures if you know who Don Rickles is, you are probably trolling the Geritol aisle. Let’s see what shows up when Eve and I chat about Jayne Mansfield:

Mansfield Schools
Free Info on Careers and Colleges For Mansfield Schools Graduates!
www.CareerColleges.com
Ooh! I wonder if they teach you how to walk, talk, and act like Jaynie?

Mansfield Chrysler
Find Great Deals on Chrysler® Vehicles at a Local Dealer Online
www.chryslerdealer.com
one would hope all of their cars are, naturally, pink!

More about…
Jayne Mansfield DVD »
Jayne Mansfield Movie »
Related Pages

and while on the topic of spam, this is by far the most informative one today:

Good Erection ?It can also add excitement! - Always be ready!

“Also”?

Better find another heartthrob, Pam

Posted on by doughyp

Categories: I like big butts

The skankiest chick in Manhattan sure has weird taste in corpses.

I want Me Some ROBERT MITCHUM

So I’m like, ugh, Pam?

mitch

More here.

DL:

Mr. Florsheim?

Posted on by Donna Lethal

Categories: what the fuck?

Y’know, this is probably what the “air conditioner man” was after …

(AP) WAUKESHA, Wis. - Police seized more than 1,500 pairs of girls? shoes from the home and storage unit of a man arrested for breaking into a high school, police said Tuesday.

?He liked to smell them,? said Lt. William H. Graham.

Police said the recovered shoes may be related to the burglaries of three Waukesha public high schools and a middle school over the past two years.

What do you call a shoe thief, anyway?

Officers searched the man?s home and a rented storage unit on Thursday, recovering the shoes along with school yearbooks, keys, a bolt cutter and other items.

Hmm … a shoehorn? Polish? Tissues? You can bet he doesn’t own any odor-eater products.

Man bites dog

Posted on by Donna Lethal

Categories: what the fuck?

LONDON - A British artist has eaten chunks of a Corgi dog, the breed favored by Queen Elizabeth II, live on radio to protest against the royal family’s treatment of animals.

Mark McGowan, 37, said he ate “about three bites” of the dog meat, cooked with apples, onions and seasoning, to highlight what he called Prince Philip’s mistreatment of a fox during a hunt by the Queen’s husband in January.

“It was pretty disgusting,” McGowan said of the meal, which he ate while appearing on a London radio station on Tuesday. Yoko Ono, another guest on the show, also tried the meat.

And … as if it makes it any better:

The dog died of natural causes at a Corgi breeder and was prepared and cooked by others for McGowan.

RM: As someone who finds Corgi’s repulsive little shits, this warms the cockles of my heart.

DL: Hell, I’m the owner of an 80+ pit bull, but EATING a corgi? I don’t think even my dog would do that! And what’s the point of it being on the radio? My other question is, how did he decide on the seasoning, anyway?

PS. He posted a video of himself eating it on his website.

ALEX: Your dog could probably crap a corgi.

For those with daddy issues

Posted on by doughyp

Categories: flaming douchebag

See, I tend to think that a Father’s Day gift of Bennett, Hewitt and Barone is, like, the strongest argument yet in favor of late-term abortion.

OH, AND: Isn’t this why God invented targeted missile strikes?

Fuck, I’ve got a touch of the misanthrope. Which is weird, because my household got a little bigger last night. Let me introduce you to Mr. A.C. Green:

ac

genius crime of the week

Posted on May 29, 2007 by Donna Lethal

Categories: morons

200 block of North Third Street: A 37-year-old Van Nuys woman was arrested on Tuesday on suspicion of fraudulent use of a disabled placard, driving on a suspended license and having a 1-year-old child in a car without a car seat. The woman was arrested after parking in a handicapped space in front of the Burbank Police Department.